Don’t try any baloney about 11 being too late to go out on a weeknight. Even if you still have a job, Friday is going to be too nice a day to go to work. Come on out, knock a few back, dance like a lunatic, throw up in a taxi, sleep in and tell your boss that your train/bus/car was surrounded by hungry bears just emerging from hibernation. Can’t miss. Andy Excuse in an email to fans of The Black Mosettes.
Beard’s favourite joke is a version of the Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman variety, with a barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it’s the barber’s turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says “How stupid is that barber? He’s woken up the bald man instead of me.” Classic gags discovered in ancient Roman joke book | Books | guardian.co.uk (via clampants)
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